When You Discover You're The Swan
Hi Witchy Writers,
When I was a kid, I talked a lot. Like, a LOT.
I didn’t get great feedback about this.
Mostly there was a lot of sighing and “Emma, please stop talking,” and “I’ll seriously PAY you if you just PLEASE STOP TALKING!!!”
I couldn’t do it. I loved talking way too much!
There were so many interesting things to think about, to notice, and to see.
It was invariably interesting to me to talk and talk about all the things!
As I got older, however, I felt the shame of all the awkward social situations created by my talking.
Whenever I talked about what I had been thinking about or what I was interested in, I got weird looks from my peers and adults alike.
I remember being a teenager, lying in bed at night, and wishing I could stop saying so many embarrassing things.
You know how people ask what problems keep you up at night?
Well, figuring out how to stop embarrassing myself was mine.
I grew up north of Boston, where the culture replicated a stereotypical high school movie.
“Fitting in” was the highest value, and I absolutely, 100%, did not fit in.
I tried to change myself to become more normal, but it never worked.
I came to believe something was shameful and wrong about who I was.
But then something interesting happened in my twenties to help change this perspective.
When I was 24, I moved away from my hometown, to a cool, artsy, small town in New Hampshire.
It was only 50 miles north of where I grew up, but it might as well have been the other side of the world.
People wore the same kind of clothes l liked to wear!
They thought about the same things I liked to think about!
They read the kinds of books I liked to read!
And when I talked about these things...they LIKED it!!
I met my best friend in this town. It was one of those amazing meetings where we immediately clicked, fell into deep conversation, and haven’t stopped talking since.
I felt so accepted and liked.
It was like “The Ugly Duckling” story.
The little duckling grew up thinking everything about her was wrong, because the other ducks told her how strange she was.
She wished she could be like everyone else until she met a group of swans one day while she was out on a lake.
The swans made her heart sing, and when the duckling looked down at her own reflection in the water, she realized why. She was a swan!
There was nothing wrong with her. She just wasn’t a duck.
Same with me. There was nothing wrong with me.
I just wasn’t a north-of-Boston person.
I was a small town-liberal-artsy-creative-soulful-witchy-person.
When I talked to my new friends, it made them want to be around me more, not less.
Finding people I felt free to be myself around helped me to be who I really am.
My healing journey since then has been about freeing my voice and unlocking the courage to continue being myself.
Here’s what I know today: a kind community can be essential in the process of freeing your voice.
That’s why I created my membership, Pen and Hearth, for witchy writers who have something to say but who struggle to get words on the page.
My mission is to create a safe community where you can be yourself, find your voice, and find the courage to be yourself.
We’re writing together every day in our online community, and I would love for you to join us.
Remember, you’re the swan!! We WANT to hang out with you and help you free your voice!!
xo,
Emma