How to empower your voice
In my twenties, I used to be the ultimate over-sharer. When I went to parties, I would nervously talk to people while my social anxiety would make my brain feel fuzzy and out of control. Out would come all sorts of things I would cringe later in embarrassment for saying.
I would talk, but I wouldn't say what I actually wanted to say. It didn't feel right or good or empowered.
But then, there were other situations in my life when I wouldn't speak when I needed to. My boss would make a decision I would disagree with, a bill would come with a mistaken payment amount due, or someone would say something inappropriate, and I would say nothing, not speaking up at all.
In some circumstances I gave my power away by saying too much to the wrong people in the wrong situations. In other circumstances I gave my power away by saying too little when I really should've spoken up.
*
I hated this feeling of disempowerment with my voice, but things began to change for me when I started on a path of recovery: ending relationships with narcissists, quitting drinking, and going to therapists and life coaches.
Right at the beginning of my healing journey, I was lucky enough to hear a suggestion that helped me find the empowerment I was looking for with my voice.
A friend offered me three questions to ask whenever I thought I needed to say something.
1. Does it need to be said?
2. Does it need to be said by me?
3. Does it need to be said now?
These questions are simple, but they are absolute gold.
*
When I started asking myself these questions, I would come across situations where I really needed to not say what I thought I should say. There was gossip I needed to not tell, fights I needed to not pick, and advice I needed to not give.
But, there were also situations where I needed to speak. There were times I needed to say no to bosses or friends. There were times I needed to voice the truth of hurt feelings. There were times I needed to question inappropriate behavior.
The more I asked these three questions, the more I expressed myself in a way that felt like integrity, and the more empowered my voice became.
I started speaking with intention, reigning in my voice when it felt right and directing my truths to the right people in the right situations.
I'm still practicing using my voice and speaking up when I need to, but things are certainly a lot better than they used to be, and it began with these three questions: What needs to be said? What needs to be said by me? What needs to be said now?
If you want to empower your voice, try asking these questions this week.
Learning how to use your voice is a life long journey, and these questions can be an amazing step in the process.
xoxo,
Emma
P.S. Share this letter with a friend who wants to learn how to empower her voice.
P.P.S. Coming soon...The First 10 Blog Posts Society, a membership program where you will not only write your first ten blog posts but also build your capacity for taking up space in the world with your truth. Doors open on May 1!